Singles in London know the struggle is real. How do you make meaningful connections with other professionals who have the same outlook on life and want the same things without resorting to the dodgy dating apps that match you with completely unsuitable dates?
How to ditch the dodgy dating apps and meet someone in London
Everyone I talk about their love life knows the peril of these apps. While singles spend 10 hours on average browsing, swiping and matching on dating apps, only 11% of those matches lead to an actual date. Plus, when they get to that date, most singles complain that the person they’re meeting doesn’t really match the person on the profile. That means most of those 10 hours are being wasted, and who has that time to waste in their life?
If I’ve just saved you 10 hours of swiping, that’s 10 hours you can spend on meaningful interactions. I know that you’re probably already considering how those hours could be invested in making your CV even more impressive to get that well-deserved pay rise, but prioritising dating is key if you really want to meet that special someone.
Meeting people who might turn out to be date material is tricky. This is partly why many of us embraced dating apps in the first place – they offered opportunities to meet people who were purportedly on the same page. Yet we know that isn’t always the truth, so it’s time to go back to basics and aim to meet people in non-dating settings. After all, meeting new people isn’t confined to those singles nights we dread.
We already know that dating in a busy city like London is tough, so it’s important to adjust your mindset and be that person who makes an effort and reaches out to others. Remember, you’re saving the time you used to waste on those dating apps, so you can afford to do this.
Small actions can trigger something special. Why not arrive early when you’re meeting friends on the off chance you could chat with someone new at a bar or an event? If you’re a naturally shy person, taking up a new hobby where there are often icebreakers built-in could be your way of breaking through the noise and making a connection with someone.
Have a listen to Mel Robbins tips about adjusting your mindset.
Tone Down your Shallow Hal
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting that you should settle for someone who doesn’t fulfil you and isn’t the kind of person you want to spend your life with. Even so, we go into dating scenarios with so many expectations and red lines that we’re already dismissing a huge portion of the dating pool due to preconceived notions about what we do and don’t want.
This works both ways too. You might have been on the receiving end of some harsh questioning in the past about where you live and what job you do, with the implication that you’ve chosen somewhere cheap to live and have a boring job title because you’re not ambitious. Having answers to those questions is important, but it’s also important that you don’t see them as deal-breakers when you talk to someone else. After all, how many people choose their job title if they work for a large company in the heart of London?
If you have too many deal breakers, you’ll end up with no one left to choose from. For professionals over 30, for example, it’s normal to have an extra few pounds, maybe a few kids and a failed marriage behind them. Don’t necessarily hold their divorce against them – at least they tried and, if it didn’t work out, that might be because they’re perfect for you instead.
Balance Your Personal & Professional Life
Something else I’ve encountered quite a bit is the adversarial date. Many singles are success-driven and focused on their professional lives. If they take that competitive nature into the world of dating, they’re forever trying to “beat” their date in relation to salary, skills, knowledge and all manner of other things. There’s a lot to be said for putting your adversarial nature to one side for the evening and being more soft, vulnerable and open to a conversation rather than debate. Try it! You might be pleasantly surprised by the results.