Dating Apps and sites are giving mixed messages to single parents! Check out this article we found with a beautiful story about a single mum finding love online.
Successful Single Professional With a Child
A lonely divorcée with a young daughter, novelist Louise Pentland thought juggling a double life as a sensible mummy and sexy singleton would be a breeze. But then she plunged into the murky, mixed-message world of dating apps…
Divorced at 28 & Feeling Lonely
When I was small and people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d give the same answers as most little girls – usually a ballerina or pop star (with, if possible, a gorgeous husband, ten children and ten cats). At no point did I say, ‘A lonely single mum, please.’ Yet that was what I became four years ago, at the age of 28, alone with my small daughter Darcy as my four-year marriage came to an end.
It could have been worse: my husband and I had an amicable split and established a good custody routine. After the first challenging year, when I was insecure and broken, we were making it work. I felt I’d mastered the art of single-mum-dom and I loved my work as an online creator and journalist (and, more recently, novelist). But I was still so lonely.
When to Let Your Date Know That You Have a Child
So, in 2015, I dipped my toes in the murky waters of dating – and to my surprise I enjoyed it. I had a few dates but didn’t find anyone I really liked until 2016, when I met Mike through a dating app. He was six years older than me, lived in the next county, had a job in IT and no children. After a couple of days of chatting and inbox banter I told him I had a four-year-old daughter. He seemed fine with this revelation and I explained that I shared custody 50/50 with her dad. I added the disclaimer that Darcy’s dad was very present in her life and I wasn’t looking for a father figure for my child.
Taking the Next Step in the Relationship
I made sure to be clear (in the most painfully breezy fashion I could muster: in the early stages of online communication nobody can be firm or serious about anything!) that I had every other weekend free as well as two nights every week. Just because I had a four-year-old didn’t mean I wasn’t still fun and carefree. He needn’t see me on the days when I was up to my eyeballs in poster paints or ironing school uniforms.
Mike seemed great. He agreed that there was no need for him to meet Darcy straight away. After having a turbulent childhood myself (my mum died when I was seven and my dad brought several women in and out of my life as I grew up), I’d decided I wouldn’t introduce my daughter to new people until I thought they’d be sticking around. Mike said when the time was right he’d love to be a ‘great role model’ in her life. Inwardly I was bursting at how lovely that sounded but outwardly, of course, I was breezy, breezy!
To begin with, everything was pretty great. Half the week I’d be Mummy, driving back and forth for the school run, supervising playdates, taking cute Instas of the two of us; the other half, I’d be sexy girlfriend, legs constantly smooth, going out for drinks and enjoying lazy Sundays in pubs. I thought I had the best of both worlds, leading an almost perfect double life. With Darcy I was happy being Mummy, but it was also lovely to feel desired.
Things were going so well that after four months I suggested to Mike that he might like to meet Darcy. I thought he would be touched that I valued him so highly and would understand what a special moment this was but, alas, he said no.
I respected his decision and didn’t push it (for both their sakes) but I did ask what was worrying him. Every time I asked, he shut me down. He’d get agitated and angry, telling me things were fine as they were and to ‘stop going on about it and just be fun’. With Mike refusing to explain or expand on his ‘no’, it felt as though my little girl was being rejected or as though he no longer saw me as the ‘fun girlfriend’. Being a single mother suddenly seemed very unattractive.
For the full article head over to The Daily Mail.
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