The most important influence on a new relationship is always you! Forget trying to blame your bank balance or your friends because you and your attitude make the real difference to whether a new flame burns or snuffs out.
How do you act and treat your new partner? Do you hold back on saying cute things because you don’t want to seem desperate? Have you got certain questions that you ask to see if they value the same things as you? Stop old habits and change the way to treat a new partner. We’ve compiled 7 concepts to remember as you navigate those dates and evenings in that might just lead to a relationship somewhere down the line.
1. Keep Reciprocity in Mind
When you do something kind like washing up after a meal, your partner’s more likely to see that you’ve done that and want to match you. It’s important not to diminish what you’ve offered though – when they say thank you for the act of kindness, make it clear that you did it because they would’ve done the same for you. That will sow the seeds of reciprocity.
2. Be Committed and Consistent
Committing to something, whether you do that vocally or in writing, means that you’re more likely to honour that commitment. If there’s one person we don’t like judging us, it’s ourselves. We like to be consistent and keep our promises, so make micro-commitments and keep them. Even something as straightforward as picking up a bottle of wine when you’ve said you will is a signal that you’re committed to making this work.
3. Ignore Social Conventions
If all your friends are getting serious in their relationships, the pressure is on for you to do the same. That can lead you to focus more on what everyone else is doing rather than your own relationship. In the beginning, it’s all about getting to know each other and working out whether this relationship is right for you. Don’t over-complicate it by comparing it to everyone else’s relationships.
4. Share Authority Figures
Relationships work best if you share the same values. We all have people we follow and respect, meaning that we’re more likely to do what they would do in a similar situation. For instance, if your authority figure tells you that cheating spells the end of a relationship, you’re more likely to believe them than if it was someone you don’t respect. Ideally, the authority figures that you and your partner look up to will have similar values.
5. Liking is Fundamental
If you don’t like someone, you won’t be persuaded to go out of your way to do anything for your new partner. It might sound simple, but you’d be surprised how many people feel compelled to pursue a romantic relationship with people they don’t like. Spoiler alert – those relationships are doomed.
6. Practice Scarcity
The thrill of a new relationship (or even just a second date with someone you’re really into) means that you’re likely to make yourself available far too often. The theory of demand and supply also applies to a relationship – if you offer too much, there’ll be no demand. But if you practice scarcity, the demand will be greater. We are not advising you to play any games instead simply continue being your awesome self which would mean perusing other interests.
7. Identify Your Partner’s Love Language
There are 5 love languages that human beings respond to. The key to making a relationship work is to figure out which your partner responds to most. They are:
- Words of Affirmation – Building up the other person via words instead of breaking them down with them
- Gifts – Demonstrate you’re thinking about someone and that you know them
- Acts of Service – Doing something for them that you’d know they’d like such as washing up or cooking
- Quality Time – Give them your undivided attention
- Physical Touch – Demonstrate your affection through holding hands or any other type of physicality
The important thing to remember is that no two people are identical and there’s no manual to make new relationships grow into long-lasting ones. Focus on your partner and understanding how they tick – then you’re one step closer to persuading them that this relationship is right for you both.
Much love Xx Ariadna Peretz